Don't Call me Jake

Today Jake's everywhere are changing their names. Never in the history of mankind have more men applied for a name change, then a day after the NFL's Championship games. The reason for this movement is that both NFL quarterbacks Jake Delhomme & Jake Plummer stunk it up on the field in their respective games. We spoke with a Shotz Brewery employee, Jake Dahmer, a resident of Milwaukee, and he had this to say about his name change.

'Last night I couldn't take it anymore. My friends and families ridiculed me, saying I might as well kill myself because being named Jake I'd never amount to anything. So I applied to change my name to Jeff.'

Maternity Wards also received the wrath of the name Jake. Mothers and fathers everywhere who filled in the name Jake on their child's birth certificates, either A. abadoned their babies at the hospital, or B. used white out on the form and hand wrote a new name in. Tom and Matilda Manson changed the name of their son born yesterday hours before the AFC & NFC Championship games, to Charles.

'Jake was my grandfathers name, so we named our son after him hoping one day he would go on to do great things. But after yesterday we knew with a name of Jake he'd only amount to failure. So we changed his name to Charles after my wife's 3rd grade Gym teacher.'

It didn't stop there however. The band Less Than Jake have already changed their name to Less Than Cake. Vinnie Fiorello of Less Than Jake had this to say.

'We already knew we were Less than Jake, but to be Less than Plummer & Delhomme. Now that is bad.